What do you do when you’re approached by a stranger on the street asking for money? They say they need a few dollars for a meal, or a cold drink, or train ticket. Sometimes their requests are simple and lack enthusiasm: a man asks, without explanation and in a mumbled voice, if you can spare some change, his eyes already looking for the next person to petition once you pass him by. Sometimes they are more intense, telling desperate, often implausible, but always emotional stories of misfortune, like the woman I encountered last week who asked for a few dollars for a bus ticket that would let her escape her abusive boyfriend. “Please,” she said, after telling me her story, “please…I’m begging you…I’m begging you…please.” What do you do?
I’ve developed several responses. The simplest and the most common, is to do nothing. Oh, sometimes I’ll give a little shrug, or shake my head and mutter “sorry” (though it’s never quite clear what it is I’m sorry for) and move along, my velocity undiminished. Far too often, I fix my gaze in front me and I walk past without even turning my head. It’s an incredibly dehumanizing thing to pretend that someone doesn’t even exist, and yet I’ve done it many times.
On the other hand, I can give in to their requests. A couple dollars every so often is, in all honesty, trivial. If I yielded to every panhandler I met on the street, my total outlay might amount to $20 per month: a Netflix membership. Strangely enough, I find that the choice to give money is actually more selfish than the choice not to. I know that handing out cash to beggars on the street is more likely to further self-destructive habits than to address real needs. The primary benefit is to me: I feel slightly less light a heartless, bourgeois bastard. A slightly better plan is to directly purchase what the beggar says he needs: a meal, a cold drink, a bus fair, etc. This takes a little more time and might actually count as a ‘good deed,’ but looking inward I find that the motivation is still profoundly selfish; I’m merely trying to avoid the guilt of being stingy and the guilt of furthering someone else’s self-destructive habits. I don’t truly care, or at least I care very little, about the needs of the beggar.
I was deeply moved by my encountered with the woman who wanted money for a bus ticket. Rarely has someone said to me “I’m begging you” and meant it literally. Since then, I’ve been pondering what the proper response was. It’s so easy for me to limit the alternatives to either giving the beggar what he wants or not giving him anything. The problem is that neither of these responses actually helps him in any meaningful way and both of them are designed to serve my own interests, either by avoiding guilt or by avoiding an uncomfortable situation. There is, of course, a third option: I could actually try to help the person asking me for help.
The woman who was “begging” me was obviously lying about her situation (her story was incredible and key details kept changing), but just as obviously she was a woman in need of help. She was ragged, dirty, and marked by bruises and small cuts, the latter quite possibly self-inflicted. She may not have needed a bus ticket, but there can be no doubt that this was a person whose life was in serious distress. In all likelihood, there was nothing I could have done in that moment to help ease the deeper sufferings in her life. But I could have tried to listen to her, to find out what those deeper issues were, because though I might lack the power to help her, others do not. Our home city houses a wide variety of shelters, missions, and programs available to those suffering from addiction, unemployment, depression, neurosis, and abuse. I could, at the very least, have pointed her in the right direction. Whether she accepted it or not, that would have been an attempt to truly help her. As it was, I doubtless gave the impression that I didn’t really consider or care what her true struggles might be…because I didn’t. I should have.
So how can I do better? How can I actually help the people who ask me for help? Well, first I can change my priorities, giving precedence to their needs over my own comfort and guilt. I can be willing to share my time with those who approach me, to focus on finding out how I can help them rather than on how I can get away as quickly as possible. Second, I can learn what sorts of resources exist to provide meaningful help to those in distress. I know the parts of the city in which I’m mostly likely to encounter someone asking me for money. A little research will teach me which shelters and outreaches exist there, who they serve, and how to reach them. This is all information I should have available when I can expect to be petitioned for help. And finally, I can be ready to offer the other sort of help I have. I carry a message of mercy, grace, hope and salvation which all people need but which the poor and distressed are often most willing to hear. I should be ready to share that as well.
Yet even if I am prepared, there are still more difficulties. I cannot always stop to spend time with the needy. I have responsibilities to colleagues and family members, responsibilities to keep my word about when I’ll be a certain places, and the duties attendant with work and school that mean I must be diligent about completing the tasks set out for me. But there are times when I can stop, when I can try to help without betraying my commitments to others, and at those times I should. Furthermore, it seems reasonable to assume that if I can learn about the resources that exist to aid the needy, so can they. That they are still begging on the street may mean that they have little interest in these services and thus little interest in what I can offer other than money. I should be prepared to accept that to, to be rejected even by the one asking for help.
To tell the truth, this plan scares me. I am uncomfortable and afraid around the very poor, even around those who aren’t asking me for anything. I prefer to be merciful and generous from the distance of an organized charity and a checkbook. I should, no doubt, think less about my own comfort and more about others.
“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:35-36)
“Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.” (Matthew 5:42)
“Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.” (Matthew 5:42)